Film Writ

Centre Stage -- Turn it down, please

April 22nd 2009 01:37

OH. MY. GOD.
Even by Bad Dance Movies standards, Centre Stage: Turn it Up is atrociously, mind-numbingly awful. I think I'm going to need therapy, and I didn't even watch it all.
It was one massive cringe-fest. In fact, this doozy should be its own festival. A festival of bad. A celebration of all that is horrible and offensive and stupid in Hollywood.
At least the first film, Centre Stage, had the workings of a somewhat original plotline, no matter how inane and sloppy it was. And yeah, it was a goofy, badly acted film, but it was at least entertaining and the dancing was awesome.

I'm not even going to review the ill-advised sequel except to tell you it has the standard plotline of a girl whose lost her mother and only wants to dance. And if you think that sounds familiar, it's because you've seen it before in just about every other Bad Dance Movie. Instead of, I don't know, being original, the writer(s) decided to slap together plotlines (and in one instance, an ACTUAL exact event) from two other Bad Dance Movies -- Save the Last Dance (Bad in a good way, admittedly) and Make it Happen (Bad in a bad way).
By the by, it is Turn it Up and Make it Happen that have an IDENTICAL scene where the main protagonist misses out on getting into the prestigious dance school she's applying to and then sits in a coffee shop only to have her car towed away. Oh, and it's raining.
Intense.

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Posted By: Amal - Category: No Category

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Revolutionary Road -- Trailer Review

January 26th 2009 10:42

I haven't seen Revolutionary Road. I'll fess up to that straight away. I know it's the whole Leo/Kate/Jack/Rose/Standing on the end of the Titanic reunion, and we should all be excited. And given that it was directed by Sam "American Beauty (overrated)" Mendes, the award nominations were pretty much guaranteed.

But this is the thing...What is with the trailer for the movie? I mean, Leo and Kate play a couple who look like the most dull, self-indulgent mess ever committed to the silver screen. Already I find them annoying. Leo's crying on his way to work (hey, we've all been there) and Kate's all screechy in her faux American accent, something about being ordinary and whatnot.

Oh, and like, what is with that scene where Kate's standing outside her house and realises that every lovely house LOOKS the same (*gasp*) and they all have IDENTICAL garbage bins and she practically has a nervous breakdown?

Boo-friggity-hoo! Get over yourselves.

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Posted By: Amal - Category: No Category

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Kung Fu Not so Funny

December 17th 2008 22:31

Is it just me or is Kung Fu Panda one of the suckiest animated films to come out in a while? I mean, I know it has the big names in the cast -- just the inclusion of La Jolie is enough to make it a hit, if we're being completely cynic-, I mean, honest.

But the thing is, it just wasn't funny. I won't even bother with the stupidity of the storyline (complete suspension of disbelief is require here, guys). But in a nutshell, this is the story: an overweight panda feels he's meant for something more than being a cook in his father's noodle shop (the noodle soup has a special ingedient, but that's a subplot in itself and I won't get into that and spoil the surprise).

Anyway, some more things happen as he pursues his dream to be An Important Panda who excels at kung fu -- he's apparently a chosen warrior, much to the chagrin of a few other animals who all thought they were contenders (one of them is voiced by Jolie).

Aside from a few cute scenes (note: cute, not funny), including a "fight" scene between the panda and his "master" over a dumpling, this film is unbelievably insipid.

With several talented actors providing their voices (Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman and Arrested Development's David Cross (best show ever btw)), it deserved a good, solid and funny script like so many of its predecessors.

On the upside, when it was over I was craving noodles. Oh, and dumplings.

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Posted By: Amal - Category: No Category

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Love in the Time of Crap Filmmaking

November 2nd 2008 11:19

I know you did one of the Harry Potter's, Mike Newell. I'm pretty sure you did a good job, too. But you've made a complete and utter mess of Love in the Time of Cholera. Utter pants it is.

Rule No. 1: If you're going to make a movie that should rightfully be made in a language other than English, let the actors speak with English or American accents and viewers can suspend their disbelief and pretend it's that other language. Do not -- do not -- make them speak in English with an accent. It sounds crap and hammy. The result is a film that seems like a parody in every moment except for when Javier Bardem is onscreen

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Posted By: Amal - Category: No Category

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The Duchess

October 13th 2008 12:01

I recently realised how cynical and sarky I've become when it comes to period films which, to be fair, is a reasonable sentiment given Hollywood's track record with historical flicks. But I didn't hate The Duchess (starring Keira Knightley). I thought I would. Or at least I thought there'd be a decent number of lip-curls-of-derision. But no, I actually kinda, sorta, well, liked it.

And this is the thing: Keira Knightley decked out in elaborate outfits didn't annoy me. She looked good and she pulled it off without making it look like a fashion show for corsetry and ridiculously large dresses

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Posted By: Amal - Category: No Category

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P.S: I love you, Gerard

September 29th 2008 08:21

I know I'm a bit late on this one, but I finally watched Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life the other night. There may be several questions zooming through your mind about now. Like, why would I watch it at all? Or even, what movie? I know. But who doesn't appreciate a bit of mindless popcorn entertainment once in a while? Exactly.

Angie looks good on any type of moving vehicle

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Posted By: Amal - Category: No Category

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The Hollywood factor

September 22nd 2008 05:45

We're so hot

OK, so I watched The Other Boleyn Girl today. I know I'm a sucker for the occasional trashy/over-the-top/historica lly-diluted flick

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Posted By: Amal - Category: No Category

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Nicholas Sparks Adaptations: Just Say 'No'

September 22nd 2008 05:37

I have a confession to make. Once upon a time, I was a Nicholas Sparks reader. Oh, I could try and excuse it by saying I was young and silly and it was just passing folly. Maybe it was. Either way, it’s shameful, I know. But I kinda, sorta also liked a couple of the movies. Not all, mind you. But who wouldn’t cheer on the adorable Rachel McAdams in The Notebook? Exactly.

And in my defence, I saw the error of my ways and totally realised one day that (a) Nicholas Sparks novels are not only emotional pornography, but they’re the tacky, B-grade kind; and (b) the story in each book was usually the same as all the others, with just names, places (all sleepy American towns btw) and a crucial event (but someone always dies) changed

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Posted By: Amal - Category: No Category

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Letter to Pierce Brosnan's chest hair

September 22nd 2008 05:30

Pierce Brosnan and his magnificent chest hair

OK, so this is the thing. I was having one of those days where I just needed to escape and watch some losery Hollywood movie in a darkened cinema while indulging in a slurpee

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Posted By: Amal - Category: No Category

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Speed Racer (2008)

June 18th 2008 10:24

7.0/10

There seems to be a lot of disappointment surrounding this film, perhaps some people lost in their desire for a film to provide the depth. Perhaps some people are looking to cling desperately to the silver screen in the hope that it will deliver a strong, progressive, narrative that that leaves them a little confused, but mostly feeling intelligent and oh my- much richer for the whole experience

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Posted By: Sami Catt - Category: No Category

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