Amal The Hollywood factor
September 22nd 2008 05:45
We're so hot
OK, so I watched The Other Boleyn Girl today. I know I'm a sucker for the occasional trashy/over-the-top/historica lly-diluted flick.
But this was a crushing disappointment, I'm afraid. Not even the thumping soundtrack, obscure camera angles and occasional slow-mo could soften the blow.
*sigh*
But I'm a glass-half-full kinda gal. No, really. I am. And just to prove it, here's a list I've put together on the things I learned from The Other Boleyn Girl:
* Back in the day, no one walked, they strided. Usually down halls, occasionally through doors.
* You didn't look at someone, you posed at them. Can you appreciate the difference? And when you weren't posing, you tended to be pensive. A lot.
* Buxom babe Scar Jo was able to use her constant deer-in-the-headlights expression (as previously seen in The Nanny Diaries) in an historical epic to great effect.
* Natalie Portman is good at eyebrow hook-type things. Or maybe it's just looking deliciously sinister. Whatever the case, she really is very pretty, even when she's doing evil things and considering incest to remain queen (you really had to watch it to understand).
* Nobody ever aged in days of yore. Even with all the intrigue, scandal, betrayal, etc, they all seemed remarkably fit and upbeat.
* The clothing was aesthetically pleasing but most likely extremely uncomfortable. Oh, and puffy. I think they really would have needed very wide doors back then. Anyone know whether castles and manors, etc have very wide doors?
* The rules were there are no rules (yes, shameless Grease plug. Now there's a great history movie). Anyway, my point about the rules was that one day the King might have whispered "Tonight" to you (slowly and very seductively, of course). Erm, meaning tonight he would bed you. I mean, you got that, right? But once you were bedded and got preggers and had his baby, he'd walk off without a further glance. (However, as pointed out above, he'd be looking pensive all the same, which always makes things more interesting).
* Hollywood sucks when it comes to period drama.
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